As someone who has had more than her share of ‘fake friends’ knowing who is ‘playing you’ and who is in it for the ‘long haul’ is something I have become an expert in. In fact I might as well change my CV to ‘ Fake Friend Finder’ because I sure as hell have been ‘fishing for the wrong type of friends for far too long now. Question is what is it that these fake friends are seeking and what on earth are we-perfectly educated intellectuals- doing falling for this bulls**t? Well no more- enter advice guru Jasmine, otherwise known as my alter ego. Jasmine is the name I use when pervs try and get into my knickers, the name I use when ordering food and the name I would call my first born child if it was a girl. But I digress, Jasmine is the confident, more sassier version of myself and she can be your ‘fake friend finder too’. Let Jasmine do all the hard work for you because thanks to Jasmine, I have learnt how to spot a fake friend and now you can too!
Besides their loss, your freaking awesome and never forget it
You meet, you hang out and then suddenly it is like you can’t leave each others side. Before you know it you have met each others friends, relatives and even their neighbours know who you are. But then something goes wrong and the honeymoon period is over, suddenly the rose tinted glasses come off and you see them for who they are. Their flaws are highlighted and any little thing seems to irritate you but all for good reason, you realize that this mother tucker was playing you all along and you pinch yourself. How could you be so foolish, so blind? Well easily, these fake friends breed in the most unexpected of places- online, in the supermarket or just walking across the road. Then suddenly they strike and you feel like the world has ended. This is how they want you to feel but listen up. Never let them make you feel like the smallest person in the world because you are worth so much more than those fake friends will ever know.
From friends who use you to make themselves feel more ‘popular’ to those who use you as their accessory at events, like fuckboys these ‘f**k friends’ are only after one thing (and no its not sex)
It took me a long time to ‘spot this fake friend’; I had a friend called A who was perhaps the worst fake friend of all. Not only did she blackmail and threaten me but she also committed the worse crime of all and that was to constantly put me down. Rewind two years ago and I was vulnerable, severely depressed and anxious. While I had met her in second year of university, we became closer in third year when she dated my friend ‘D’ who incidentally I liked too. I never made my feelings known to anyone but I had a feeling that she guessed; the insults were subtle at first but as the game advanced our friendship was about to hit a sour patch. ‘D’s room was next to mine and whenever she knew I was in she would ‘moan and groan’ as loud as she could so that I could hear. I remember 
during one session she was bitching about me, saying how ‘ugly ‘ I was and how she was ‘better than me in every single way’ getting angry when he said nothing. But that was nothing, she accused me of sleeping with her boyfriend- but the irony was she never accused ‘D’ which is pretty weird considering in order to actually sleep with someone, ya know there actually has to be another person involved. Despite breaking up for a grand total of a ‘week’ they got back together and I quit being her friend because I was sick of how s**t she made me feel. She made me feel like a prisoner in my own home and just because we no longer were friends didn’t mean that her put me downs had stopped. Far from it, but as a firm believer in second chances three months later we were friends again. Again she kept using me to make her feel better about herself and did everything possible to make me question who I was.