There aren’t any single good men left at the moment in New York City. That’s the way it is. everybody continues to tell us. When Deanna* relocated to the city in late 2021 she was the first to find out if there’s any truth in this claim. Being single since his boyfriend, who was with her for three years split with her through Snapchat, Deanna joined Hinge and Tinder. It was during this time that a private group on Facebook named Are We Dating The Same Guy NYC was launched as a good option to follow. The group offered a thorough prescreening process and community guidelines which acted as a barrier to entry and was at 43,000 active members. Deanna was interested and so she enrolled.
The community
The community-which began with the purpose of helping women find out if they were dating others – was founded in the month of March 2022. Each major US city currently has a similar forum and the rules are clear: Anyone can post anonymously, and there is no need to doxx or posting sensitive information and in no way can screen captures be removed from the community. No bullying, no victim blaming or hate speech. Don’t ever tell a person that they’ve been listed in the group. Following the scandal incident of West Elm Caleb, who was a man with whom numerous women from New York shared negative dating experiences and also connected the dots online, it seemed that a lot of women were looking for a method of sifting out men who were similar to him.Join Us datingfortodaysman website As one TikTok user was saying at the time This is why we need an app where we can leave reviews of guys we’ve dated on Hinge.
This is pretty much what this group had become before Deanna joined. Every time a new version of Are We Dating the Same Guy is a common where women can seek romantic advice or want to give advice to men who they’ve had bad experiences. Loyalty-testing long-term boyfriends-that is this practice that involves sending other women to attract them on social media, has also become a norm. It’s easy to slip into a rabbit down a rabbit hole of screenshotted Hinge profiles, stories of hookups gone wrong, and a plethora of memes describing the pitfalls of modern dating. Many of the most popular posts consist of photos of men with their first name, and asking whether someone has matched or been a date with the person the person in question. Emojis with red flags are a common display on small but alarming posts warning people of a former lover or bad relationship usually accompanied by the downward arrow and the ominous words See comments for more info.
Dating online has taken over our choices in recent years and a recent research finding that nearly 39 percent of heterosexual couples meet their loved ones online. So it’s only natural the romantic component of romance would change to the digital age. Instead of hanging out with small groups of acquaintances over a drink, or discussing the issues with coworkers, we are now seeking advice from 43,000 women who have experienced similar – and in some cases very similar-experiences.
It’s demystified this idea that dating is easier for some women than it is for others, says Ellie an additional group member. Not to say that there’s not privileges that exist however it was helpful for me to clarify my understanding of dating. There’s nothing to do against other girls, it’s holding men to a different level than I was before.
It’s obvious to me that certain of the behaviors that’s supported and facilitated in Are We the Dating the Same Guy could be to be considered a red flag by prospective suitors. Photos, private conversations, and screenshots posted without consent or knowledge are plentiful. People search social media profiles on a frequent basis. It’s not difficult in order for a prospective date to be into the spotlight. Though Deanna is a fan of being part of the group, she has reservations. Sometimes you see people posting ‘If he wanted to, he would’ about paying for things or picking you up in an Uber, she claims. But I’m guessing that you’ll get into a situation where there’s this echo chamber where men have got us in trouble for so long and now we’re going to give it back.
We continue to live in an era of patriarchy
We still live in an era of patriarchy, and until we’re truly equal in our online interactions, they will be different in their impact based on what background each person comes from. However, can a community like this really have committed to empowering itself on one side of the coin, and morally reprehensible incel horror on the other? Are We Dating the Same Guy? is hyperlocal and social, only beneficial for those who live, and even date in the area the group is located in. The women, as well as the men they share their stories with, could be your neighbor as well as a coworker, friend family member, or most last Hinge match. There’s also a depersonalization that happens when you use the internet, which makes it seem like games. It’s not far-fetched to say this is objectifying the people in both groups-especially when the details about private interactions, conversations including photos, were shared without prior consent or knowledge, but often to provide entertainment.