I’m an easy-going and friendly guy, but I have no idea how to broach the topic with single female friends, lest I scare them or have them consider me a deviant! How do I go about meeting (or finding) friendly, open-minded people who are open to the idea of casual (but fully consensual, not alcohol-fuelled) sex?
I’m not averse to the idea of developing friendships with such open-minded people, but I have no idea regarding the etiquette involved.
I’m a young, male university student in Melbourne, Australia who spends way too much time pontificating on societal hang-ups, if that matters. Throwaway email for the discreet/propositions:
If you really want casual sex go chat up some women in bars or at private parties. I’ve generally had better luck at private parties but you have to be extra careful with making it clear that you’re only interested in casual sex and not a relationship because the people you meet at private parties are usually your friends’ friends which can lead to complications if someone gets hurt.
And, as mentioned above, it’s not taking advantage of someone just because there are a few drinks involved. Just don’t drag anybody home with you who’s drunk out of their skull and you’re fine. posted by sveskemus at 8:36 AM on
Really? Well, have you thought about throwing a theme party of some kind that requires skimpy clothing or costumes? You’ll be able to pick out the girls who are a bit friskier than the others by what they’re wearing.
– Toga party – Gods 
and goddesses party – Naughty and nice party (sort of like the hookers/vicars parties they have in the UK)
You’re at a university and can’t find casual sex?
Of course if you have a Myspace profile and you set your status to “swinger”, swinger groups will come out of the woodwork and proposition you. Just saying. Those people are guaranteed to be down with casual sex, both male and female. posted by Unicorn on the cob at AM on
Maybe a recalibration of your moral compass is in order. I’m trying to word this as carefully as possible, but not all girls that go out and hook up with someone after a couple drinks have been taken advantage of. They’re just like you; they go out to clubs to have a great time, throw a few back, and see what happens. Grab a friend or two, put a couple beers down and start chatting girls up while you’re out.
Your heart is in the right place in that you want to avoid the sloppiest of the group (you don’t want to hook up with these girls anyway) but you’re probably doing more harm than good if you’re avoiding hitting on women in bars/clubs altogether because of some off-base gentlemanly stuff. If you haven’t posted a question here yet about how you’ve hit on hundreds of women without sealing the deal, then I’m afraid you just haven’t tried hard enough, my friend. posted by littlelebowskiurbanachiever at AM on [1 favorite]
Well, I know from AdultFriendFinder adverts that dating websites are willing to lie in their advertisements
Why not? Unless she’s married or in a LTR. There’s women in their mid-thirties who are up for casual sex. posted by sixcolors at PM on
It would be awkward to find oneself in the situation where a website had cultivated different expectations in men and women, and find oneself ‘on the hook’ for the difference. posted by Mike1024 at 1:22 PM on
That said, most females of that approximate age will probably not think you’re odd for wanting to get laid. I’d venture a guess as to say it’s likely that so long as you don’t mention Golgotha or Hellfire or similar, they’re probably not going to think you’re a deviant.
Go to bars, get numbers. Later, have them out for coffee or lunch, and then in the cold light of day sans alcohol, ask if they want to get their freak on. Easier said than done, true, but still.
Pro tip: if a chick turns you down, don’t make things weird. Just drop it, and be gracious. posted by ysabet at 8:01 PM on