Before you end a long-term relationship because you’ve realized your feelings have changed, take some time to figure out what caused your change of heart. You might find out that you connect with them on an intellectual level or love their sense of humor. Or maybe it’s a purely physical attraction that brought you together. Don’t automatically shoot someone down because you’re not sure of your feelings for them.
Can you fall in love with someone you’re not physically attracted to?
Intimacy can involve emotional, intellectual, physical, and spiritual. It’s where two people begin to understand each other and really connect. Now, if you want to start dating, you have to take the risk, especially when the person you like is also a friend.
Why Dating Someone Older Isn’t Always Such a Bad Idea
When we find someone very physically attractive, we become more self-conscious. You might find that you’ve got a lot in common by just putting in the effort to chat to someone rather than rushing things and getting too attached to someone because of how they look. Speak to a certified and experienced relationship coach to help you decide whether to date a person you are not that attracted to . You may want to try speaking to someone via RelationshipHero.com for empathetic, specific, and genuinely insightful relationship advice at its most convenient.
If that feeling has diminished between you and your lover, this is a sign your love isn’t as strong as you think. “A partner that is in love with you will treat you like the end all, be all,” Rori Sassoon, Relationship Expert and CEO matchmaking service Platinum Poire, tells Bustle. “When they’re in love and something goes wrong, they let nothing get in their way of fixing it.” As we all know, relationships take a ton of work.
Even if he doesn’t love talking on the phone, he should be willing to talk on the phone with you a few times each week. If he can’t meet this need, it’s time for you to keep looking. I’m all too familiar with the oh-so-frustrating feeling that you’d be a wonderful romantic partner if only you could actually be one. Or that you’d thrive in a fling or a casual situationship; but more often than not, it just…doesn’t happen. And so your unfulfilled capacity for love, for a spark, for romantic intimacy of any kind, continues; alongside a plodding sense of monotony. I watch people around me meet people and end up in relationships so easily all the time and I just can’t fathom how they manage it.
As author bell hooks said in her book All About Love, society isn’t set up to create connections. Viewing romantic love as the only kind of love out there is isolating and limiting. You can practice love and not have it be just about desire and passion. ‘Another thing is we look at jealousy in a different way. If one partner is out of town in a two-way relationship the other person would be left alone. He added that it’s the main reason people are scared of getting into a trouple, but said you ‘have to embrace it’.
Ask your “people”
It’s perfectly ok to casually date someone you are not sure about. For many people, love grows over time or through friendship. Don’t date a guy just because he’s nice or because you’re attracted to him. ‘Being nice’ is the bare minimum you should expect from a romantic partner and physical attraction can grow. Instead, date him because you have similar interests or you like his personality. Bloom adds that healthy commitment requires a process of building and cultivating.
Everyone has their core list of requirements for a partner. If dating has gone generally okay but there’s one major problem, it might be too much for you to get past. Don’t feel bad about ending a relationship if there is a fundamental, core issue that you just can’t get past—even if it isn’t anyone’s fault. While there is nothing wrong with casually dating someone you are not immediately physically attracted to, you should be upfront about your feelings once you realize that physical attraction is not developing. Ok, so they’re probably not asking if you believe in love or what you look for in a partner, but they’re asking questions that help them get to know you better. They’re curious and want to know how your math test went or what your spring break plans are.
They might have been nervous and less confident than they normally are, so it’s worth giving them a second chance and seeing how another date goes. You’ll probably chat about things that you wouldn’t normally chat about with your friendship group. By spending time with someone you might not normally hang out with, you’ll love it be forced to have new conversations and think about different things. And really bad dates are quite rare anyway – it’ll probably be enjoyable in some way. This is key to any healthy, lasting relationship – it’ll mean that any connection between the two of you is genuine, and not a false version of yourself.
But just as there is no hard-and-fast rule for how long it takes to fall in love, there’s no set checklist for how to know if what you’re feeling is the real deal. Some people know after a single moment; others develop the feelings after months or even years of small gestures. Wondering whether you’re really, truly falling in love with someone? Chances are, you’ve probably already asked a close friend or family member for the telltale signs. And if they’re like most people, they probably responded with “you just know,” “it’s hard to describe,” or something equally vague—all of which, needless to say, are pretty unhelpful. When you find someone who stimulates you in these areas, it is very possible to fall in love with them regardless of their physical appearance.