I can relate. When I was younger, I didn’t date healthy people because I wasn’t healthy. I was in survival mode, riddled with insecurities and trauma responses. I fell for men who mirrored old narratives from my past that I hadn’t healed from. I sought out love that felt like home, failing to recognize my early experience of home never felt safe.

For better and worse, the people we attract tell a lot about who we are and where we are in our growth journey. When dating, see each person as a vibrational mirror and learning opportunity. If you’re attracted to someone who is causing you pain, reflect on the stories you may be repeating to break that pattern. If you’re attracted to someone healthy, reflect on the areas you’ve grown and the work you can do to continue moving in a positive direction.

Being Single Is Important

For half of my life, I was a serial monogamist and mostly in long-term relationships. Dating taught me a great deal about myself, but it was only when I found myself single at 30 that I began to understand who I was and what I wanted the most. I learned how to speak kindly to my inner critic and let go of what other people thought about me, kicking off the beginning of my journey with unconditional self-love.

Without external validation and another person’s context, I worked on being happy with my own company and putting myself first. I lived on my terms and welcomed change that benefitted me and only me. My solitude felt precious, finite, and so pleasurable that I wanted to spend all of my time nurturing my well-being, hobbies, and community.

A study in 2017 noted that voluntary singleness improved mental health outcomes, reflecting my personal experience. I resolved to be alone until a relationship felt even more fulfilling than my single life.

The choice empowered me to let go of emotionally unavailable men because of my higher standards. It empowered me to eventually meet my boyfriend who added so much beauty to what I already had going on. Lees verder →