If you have never heard of asexuality, I don’t blame you. The “A” in LGBTQIA is often mistaken for “ally,” a letter for all the straight allies to feel like they are part of the queer community, and once upon a time, it was an identity I used to pride myself in.
But as the information age grew, so did I, and so did my feelings, my sense of self, and my identity. By age 20, I could label my sexuality for what it was-asexual, a person who has no sexual feelings or desires.
In the three years since then, I’ve learned a few things: Coming out as asexual is not a momentous occasion. It won’t make headlines in its radicalness, and I won’t be seen as “brave” for embracing my new identity. However, this label has given me a new filter in how I perceive the world, especially in terms of dating.
Having grown up with strict parents, I am a novice when it comes to dating in general, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want companionship and mutual attraction from a partner. However, in a heteronormative culture that is steeped with the belief that sex is a crucial part of all relationships, what are my chances of finding someone that would understand that I don’t have a sex drive?
Sexuality aside, there are other factors about my identity that cause people to form an immediate opinion of me. Although I’m Bangladeshi, many people assume that I am Indian, and I’m often seen as “exotic” due to my skin tone. As someone who’s read as “other” on dating apps, there was a connotation that I would be sexually promiscuous, further commodifying my body for male fantasies. Lees verder