In most cases, developing and cultivating empathy is possible only if the individuals are willing to change how they relate with others. People who want to change are in for a journey of self-discovery and take important steps to consciously retrain their brains and alter their behavioral preference. Human’s are fortunate to have a high degree of brain neuroplasticity, allowing us to create new brain patterns.
However, there are other cases in which lack of empathy is associated to severe disorders such as narcissism, anti-social personality disorders, and psychopathy. In these cases, these individuals are most helped by seeking advice and guidance from a professional who specializes in these disorders.
I know how difficult it can be to deal with people who lack empathy when you are a sensitive and caring person. When you try to express your feelings, instead of compassion and understanding, you get anger or judgment back. This can cause a great deal of stress when you need support the most.
It’s painful because sometimes we can get stuck in a vicious cycle where the more someone doesn’t understand you, the more you feel hurt, and the more you want them to understand your feelings. It’s almost as if you are pleading for validation.
1. Don’t Take Their Anger or Judgments Personally
By doing this, you can get off the emotional roller coaster. It’s not about you. Remind yourself that they are the ones that have a problem connecting emotionally with others at a deeper level. There’s nothing wrong with you! This can be super challenging to not take their actions personally and may take a conscious effort to set aside your initial emotional reaction.
Sometimes, adopting a mindset of empathy towards that person can really help you rise above your own feelings about the situation. If you can take comfort in the fact that you are the bigger person, this can help you set aside your emotions and not take it personally.
2. Don’t Try to Make Them Understand Your Feelings
Trying to instill empathy or insights in them is a waste of your time and energy. This will only increase their anger and judgement. It will become quite cyclical, as you try to make them understand you and having them react without empathy.
3. Talk About Facts with Them
Instead of talking to them about how you feel, or how something they did or said made you 
feel, talk about facts and what you think. It’s easier to communicate this way because they won’t feel blamed or shamed. This is critical for keeping lines of communication open.
Lower your expectations of the person. It can be easy to hold the person to the same standard as. you might hold yourself, but their lack of empathy will continue to leave you feeling disappointed. Setting reasonable expectations on your interactions with the person will help you manage your emotions when dealing with them.
When speaking facts to the person, try to modulate how you display your emotions. It can be especially challenging, as you might be going through a difficult time, but try to remain neutral and limit large displays of emotions.
4. If You Don’t Live with This Person, Try to Distance Yourself from Their Company
You don’t have to end the friendship or stop visiting your family member, but you need to set some boundaries and be mindful of your interaction with them. Keep the connection superficial to avoid arguments and don’t expect depth and understanding.
If you must keep this person in your life, adjust your expectations of your ongoing relationship. You will need to come to terms with the idea that you may on have a superficial relationship with this person and that they may not meet the needs you expected.